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I have what I like to call an "information sharing" problem. Frankly, I tend to get slightly carried away when I describe things, myself included. This list originally started as a little tiny stack of facts about my personality, likes, dislikes and quirks. After I started adding more and more things to the list, I began to make a pattern out of it - the longest sentences on top working their way down. It started to look like a goblet, which really made me happy because I'm a big fan of shapes. But then I realized, there is no reason for me to have a goblet on my profile. I mean, it looked sweet, but I don't drink or anything so it's not even somewhat reminiscent of my personality. You see, if something has a certain pattern or look to it, I feel like there should always be some sort of meaning behind it... and in this case, with the exception of the fact that I'm a pimp, there's no reason for such a goblet. I considered other patterns, but all I could think of were silly shapes like bells or lighting bolts. Now, the lightning bolt would have been really cool, but I tend to edit my page a lot so the time and energy that would have to go into making my thoughts lightning bolt shaped would basically be a waste. I tried editing things a little bit, making the lines different sizes, but then I ran into the issue where one or two clauses would take up two lines, and I can't stand that. That's when I decided to make a paragraph instead of a pattern. Although, I know that more people will just "skip" reading the paragraph, where as the goblet (before it became thirty-seven facts long) was much less threatening. Most people don't go on the internet to read so I'm coincidently making someone's encounter with my StLPunk page much more inconvenient. If you are that person, and you've gotten this far, I apologize for making your internet experience less desirable, and I understand if it's difficult for you to get through this. I am very easily distracted, even in the most intriguing of situations.
I enjoy simple things in life, like mismatching my socks in the morning to promote a lighter regard for the rest of the day. I almost always feel cute when my underwear matches my bra because it's like my very own little secret. My favorite colors are blue and green, even though everyone seems to be convinced that black and white are my favorites. Yes, I love black and white. I think they create one of the best contrasts in the entire color spectrum. I especially love black and white when there is a red contrast point. GOD I love that. On that note, kind of going with the previous paragraph, I really really like symmetry and patterns. Non symmetrical layouts actually really frustrate me. For example, if I walk into someone's living room and there are decorations on the mantle, I would be bothered if there are more things on the left side than on the right. It would be even better if what is on the left matches EXACTLY what's on the right. Seriously, I'm weird like that.
Another thing that I love is good grammar. I know that has nothing to do with symmetry, but I have a good bridge for these paragraphs, I swear! You see, I feel like both symmetry and good grammar are reflections of a well organized situation – symmetry is having things organized, and grammar is having your thoughts organized. I'm aware that my grammar isn't pristine, but I try to avoid terrible grammar blunders. For example, if you end your sentence with the word "at," I will automatically be frustrated with your existence. Why would you put such a preposition at the end of a sentence? It's completely unnecessary, and you sound like a hick when you do so. I know it's terrible to judge, but when a guy ends a sentence in a preposition, I feel I have no choice but to call them out. You see, if I'm attracted to the person, that little word at the end of their sentence is an automatic red flag making me question their intelligence and forcing my attractions to fade. Nothing is more attractive than intelligence. I know that's slightly cliché but it is true. Also, people today don't seem to understand the concept of pauses. Every idle moment of a conversation is constantly filled with "like" and "um" and that's pretty pathetic. Pauses aren't a sign of weakness, if anything they're a sign of intelligence. I just wish more people understood that. But back to the whole "proper grammar" thing – I love being able to have a civilized conversation without having the immense urge to correct someone's grammar mid-discussion. This also is an issue of mine when talking on the internet or via text message. I always notice when people don't capitalize "I" or don't use apostrophes in contractions. Coincidently, if you are trying to argue with me via internet and you (a) swear a lot, (b) have terrible grammar, (c) don't have a consistent argument, I will probably think you're slightly obtuse and retort with bigger words than I would normally use, in hopes of confusing you. It's not always in hopes of confusing, sometimes I honestly use more of an intelligent vocabulary when I'm frustrated enough to argue. I really like words. In spite of this, though, I honestly do not know how to write a research paper.
I like to think of myself as a well humored person. I am never going to understand why people say that they have a specific type of humor. Maybe its just my crazy personality, but I find almost everything funny. I love satirical humor, toilet humor, politically incorrect humor, all of it. For example, I strive to someday make enough money to buy my own cruise line. I know that doesn't sound hilarious yet, but I will most definitely show Titanic in the movie theater every night. Now, isn't that slightly clever? I mean the IRONY in that situation is awesome. I also really like zingers. Occasionally I'll come up with a great one and it'll burn for weeks. But the thing about it is that if you really need me to be a friend, I'll be there. But I'm not afraid of a little bit of filth in my humor – I've most definitely watched porn for a laugh, and I enjoy when people dress up in drag immensely. I also just love dressing up in general, costumes or just to be fancy. I love it. But back to the way humor fits into my personality – I might be incredibly sarcastic, but if you laugh at my jokes I probably love you.
I also think that it is very important to have a good outlook on everything. I know that is asking a lot, but if you don't look at the cup as half full, to be completely cliche, then you really will spend a lot more of your life being pissed off than you realize. I try incredibly hard to keep myself pleased with life. When times get rough, sometimes you can bring yourself right back up with google. Seriously, try google-ing something that makes you happy... your weakness, per say. For example, I google things like "Cutest Bunny Ever" or "Fuzzy Animal" when I'm sad. However, if things get really bad, I drive to Chesterfield Mall and walk into the Pet Store, asking to hold a bunny. Usually, they'll comply and place a furry little bunny into my open hands. If I'm lucky, they'll let me go into the "get to know your future pet!" room. That always helps me regain my a happier mood.
I am going to move to Hollywood someday. The first step in this process is to attend Columbia College Chicago. I know that seems kinda silly, but it is the closest town with a worthwhile theatrical society, and I want to get used to being on my own and get an education before taking the plunge into that star-crazed lifestyle in Los Angeles. You see, theater is my life and I'd like to keep it that way. The thrill of being on stage and performing for others is like nothing that I've ever felt before. And no, you cannot stop me. I'm aware of the pressures of that society, the encouragement to look a certain way, but it doesn't phase me much. Yes, I enjoy a sandwich every once in a while. I am not blonde, nor do I have any desire to be. I am not particularly gifted in the chest area. And frankly, I'm white. Absolutely white. An Irish Jew, actually. But here's the thing: I'm absolutely perfectly content with my 5'8"/145 pound frame. I don't understand why the unrealistic vision of perfection has to be anorexic blonde with huge tits and orange skin. Sure, I can understand that there's an attraction to that, but that's not all that's out there. And if someone doesn't like the way I look then they don't have to get to know me – because frankly, if that's what concerns you, I don't think it'd be worth it either.
My friends are some of the most hilarious people that I know. We come up with the most amazing activities on weekends. We have photo scavenger hunts, go to concerts, stalk my favorite band (LUDO!), and other crazy party activities. You see, we play board games and little things like that. One of my absolutely favorite chill activities though, is renting the most obscure scary movies we can find at blockbuster and having a horror fest. Last time we rented The Tooth Fairy and The Nun. Seriously. Amazing. And the best part is that we do EVERYTHING sober. And I mean everything. I know that they might seem a little strange and lame to you, but it's how we roll. Those friends are the reason that I survive.
Something pretty cool about my life is that it's basically a dual-residence situation. I've spent every summer of my life in Skagway, Alaska. It's a little Podunk town shoved in-between two mountains along the Inside Passage. As much as I've bitched about that place and as much hatred as I do have festering in my soul, I don't really dislike it that much. Granted, there is nothing to do there except get drunk, get high, have sex, and hike. Since I have no desire to do three of those things, I spend most of my time hiking, working, or watching TV. Fortunately, I've made plenty of great friends up there that have made the summers worthwhile. They also tend to appreciate my sense of humor and watch shows like Arrested Development, How I Met Your Mother and Flight of the Conchords. Those are my absolute favorite TV shows of all time. I also really enjoy House, M.D., but no one owns those seasons so we tend to stick to the humor of the classics.
On another note, I'd like to point out that I'm completely and utterly consumed by the internet. I read people's profiles constantly and repeatedly. I like to think of myself as the creeper without the raging raping libido. But because of my creepiness, I've come to the conclusion that if you play the piano, I'm probably in love with you. There is nothing more soothing and amazing than the sound those keys can make when they're actually well played. Jason Robert Brown is probably one of my favorites in terms of keeping the piano highly involved in his music. Chris Martin, Ben Folds and Keane as well. Piano music always makes me smile. It's also very nice to cuddle while listening to piano. Cuddling is my favorite. But holding hands and Eskimo Kisses are close seconds.
Well, that's me in a nutshell. One gigantic nutshell. I hope you enjoyed that literary adventure, if you actually got through it. Have a glorious day!
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